Today’s blog is tough to write , I might get some backlash from family members or people who think my decisions are selfish or unkind. I’ve been dancing around writing this for months but it’s a really important subject for me and I know that I’m not alone. Today I want to talk about ending relationships with family members.
To understand why I broke contact with both of my parents you need to understand that they are both difficult individuals. I’m not here to bash or belittle them because I know they have unresolved trauma and there is a reason for the life choices that they have made but I also believe that you need to help yourself and face your demons in order to treat those around you with love and respect.
Your parents are responsible for your life , they brought you into this world and in my opinion, their number one job is to protect you and help you grow into a healthy and happy person. Unfortunately my parents did not do this for me and it’s taken a long time to figure it out on my own. My mother was my first bully, she was controlling and manipulative and said hurtful things when she would fly off the handle. I developed a very unhealthy view of my body because in her eyes I was never the right size and she was very vocal about it. To make things worse I began comfort eating to deal with the lack of emotional support that I got from her. She was also a selfish mother, putting her needs in front of her children. A textbook narcissist, she was never in the wrong and made very shitty choices in the men that she dated, choices that affected all of us.
My father was my first heartbreak. I spent my early childhood years begging for a relationship with him and instead of loving me he decided that he would play house with another woman and her son, the child he never had. This child who is now a young man was brought around the world with my father , spent Christmas with him, birthdays with him, all of these privileges that I never had or will ever have. I’ve grieved for my father throughout my life and I still do. It breaks my heart that he will never have enough back bone to mend a relationship with his only biological child, a relationship that until very recently I was open to having.
So when is enough, enough?! Where do you draw the line? Why on earth would you love and spend time with two people that have disrespected you so much in your lifetime? I know that when I started to love and care for myself I asked those questions. I looked at my life subjectively and I knew that I would not allow a friend or lover to treat me so poorly. Just because society says that you HAVE to love your parents doesn’t mean that you need to listen. You deserve more than that, you deserve to protect your heart and soul because some day you’ll have a family of your own and you know that will do right by them.